Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
