Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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