he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
