Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
