it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
