Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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