the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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