youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
