i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
