Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
