Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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