If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
