I'm so fucking centered right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize