I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
