the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
