and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
