also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
