Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
