So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
