If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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