meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
