is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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