I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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