It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
