at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
