I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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