im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize