Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
