he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
