You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
