he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize