I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
