I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
