she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
