HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
