bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I believe in your delicious
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
