Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
