careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
