i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
