ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
