ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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