But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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