I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
