Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
