the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
