Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
