I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
