Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
