He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
