Your face is a jimmy john
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
