she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
