What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
