You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
