either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
