sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
