ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
