You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
