But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
