I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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