Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize