I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
