She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
