We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
