I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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