I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
